Cosmology

We are all Part of a Greater Whole

We are all dollops of source consciousness that were ladled into incarnating bodies around the time of conception. The essence of every person, every sentient being, and perhaps all of the manifest world has coalesced around this same source consciousness. In that way, at our core, we are all the same. However, when and where we incarnate makes us appear different. If you had the same genes, family of origin and upbringing as someone you pass on the street, more than likely you would be just like ‘them’, in fact you would be ‘them’. In the dualistic manifest world we appear discrete, but in the non-dual world we are one. The next time someone does something that you can’t understand, rather than thinking about what planet they might be from, wonder about what life experiences brought them, and would have brought you to believe and think the way they do.  

When a child is born their consciousness is still in the spirit world. They have not developed an ego yet. However, their parents / caregivers have. When the caregivers become impatient or scolding towards the child it reflects more of their control issues and emotional baggage than the child’s. As we know all too well, caregivers can use blame, shame, ridicule and threats to get a child to comply. As the child grows up, its ego develops in such a way as to defend itself from the specific types of manipulation used by the caregivers. In this way, it is imprinted and becomes a mirror of the caregivers’ issues and complexes. And so the unique family of origin dysfunction is passed down from generation to generation.

An individual can be seen as having many different ‘parts’ that represent different aspects of their psyche. Due to our experiences in life, some parts may become wounded or dissociated (exiled) and others may become overly protective or controlling. The exiled parts may have been wounded in childhood and embody fear of abandonment or low self esteem. These parts are often unconscious and easily triggered. If so, we can react emotionally and not really know why. Our protective parts defend the exiles. We are usually more aware of our protector aspects. They can come on strong and be defensive and aggressive towards people who push our buttons.

The dance between our protective parts and our exiled parts is usually modeled by our caregivers. With one set of parts coming more from one parent / caregiver and another set of parts from the other parent / caregiver. Our own internal sacred union becomes much like our caregivers’ relationship (familiars). Furthermore, we will often be unknowingly attracted to a partner who embodies our exiled parts, and we will embody their exiled parts. In this way we recreate our family of origin dynamics both within ourselves, with our partners and then with our children.

We are all Trying to Find our Way

We are all trying to find our way to agency, respect and community. These form the basis of our motivations. How can this motivation be evil? While there may be some tortured exceptions, no one really wants to create suffering for themselves or others. However, due to a lack of positive modeling we can pursue these goals in a misguided and unskillful way. Our parents or those that should have cared for and protected us could have been unskillful. They were fumbling, trying to find their way and doing the best they could with the modeling and life experiences they had been given. As long as we have blame and resentment towards them, we will have judgment towards them. Since we are a reflection of them, then we will carry this judgment towards their aspects within ourselves. By definition, any part of ourselves that we judge will remain wounded and in our unconscious to a large degree. And as long as our internal relationships are wounded, we will project them outwardly and be attracted to wounded partnerships. To liberate ourselves, we must find compassion and forgiveness for our caregivers and tormentors. Only then can we accept, embrace and liberate their reflections within ourselves. Only then can we heal our wounded parts and be attracted to healthier partnerships.

Our work together will be to fathom the depths of your family of origin dynamics, discover and befriend any of your parts that may have been exiled due to this dynamic (or other adverse experiences), and recognize how this dynamic is showing up in your current relationships. You will see how your life and the lives of your caretakers, your tormentors, your lovers and your children (if you have any) have unfolded as part of the web of life woven by circumstances outside of anyone’s control or choosing.

If we can make peace with the hand we were dealt, and can accept what we have to work with, then we can free our minds from being disappointed or resentful about how things have played out. This will give us the agency to choose how we think about life, which will affect how it unfolds. Your trials and tribulations have been an initiation. What gifts have they brought you? What is your narrative? What is your contract?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
~ Mary Oliver